Usually That Someone Turns Out To Be Me……

“I got to know you now, we may never meet again.I got to know you now and then.” is the chorus to “Know You Now” by the late Amy Winehouse. It’s a short simple song that is very light and leaves the meaning behind the lyrics for interpretation. I tend to over analyze things to the point that it begins to sound foolish.

The meaning I was able to take from this particular song to use in my life: Get to know someone first. You can always sleep with someone later on. Build a meaningful relationship, because meaningful relationships aren’t built on one night stands. However, it’s not always the case when it comes to me.

Usually that someone turns out to be me, unfortunately, I’m a little boy crazy. We all have our vices and flaws, there could be many things worse than being boy crazy, am I right? Sometimes I wonder, did this boy crazy obsession come about because I missed out in high school or college. Nope. Kind of just means I’m a slut….I’m kidding Mom!!!

It’s weird I don’t really ever want to be attached to someone with a title unless I know it’s real. At the same time, I never felt like I would be that twenty-something year old not in a relationship. I haven’t had a relationship in just about 3 years. That isn’t a long time by any means but it’s still pretty long when you factor things in that you can do as a couple.

I like the freedom that being single allows me in a sense. I’m free to date whomever and learn what I like and don’t like. I dislike the behaviors that come from it, such as sleeping around. Romp, Shag, Fuck, Sex, Diddle, etc the list could go on forever, things that I prefer to do in a relationship.

I’m not promiscuous, I believe in monogamy. However, I found myself adapting into these behaviors that were almost downright man whoreish. If I was out on a date, it seemed like nobody really wanted to get to know me, they just wanted to get to know me enough to get in my pants. Not to say I’m not to blame for that as well, because I mean I make decisions but at least wait a few dates. I believe there are other factors that are involved with this as well.

I take a look at most of my friends and they are couples. Couples that have been together since either high school or college. I think also the stand offish attitude of the typical Bostonians definitely doesn’t factor in well. Everyone is trying to either out do the other or just ignore you for other reasons(that’s another blog)!

Weird thing,this guy wanted to date and he asked me if I wanted to be in a monogamous relationship but allow for various sexual partners to be introduced!!!!(Entirely different blog in the making but it’s something to think about)

But back to the real story at hand, being a man whore is far from cute. It’s not rewarding at all, I personally was feeling lost. I wasn’t able to see with clarity on what I actually wanted from a person anymore. One thing I will state: I do not regret any of my experiences. Life is too short to regret anything. Everything in life is a lesson and what you’re willing to comprehend from that lesson is up to you. I try to learn the lesson and better myself. It isn’t always a perfect science, it takes time. Be patient.

It’s really beautiful when a relationship just has simplicity around all the flaws involved

It’s the Pleasure Principle

Growing up for some reason I’ve always felt a strange connection to this song. Before truly understanding the meaning of this song, just alone watching the video, I always felt a connection. The excitement of the video, the choreography simple yet so intricate. Something just always resonates and makes me feel so good.

In terms of the meaning of the lyrics, haha I just really figured out the meaning of it. Or what it means to me.

I often times think of the song as being about a person who is sick of the bullshit games that’s being played by the person he or she is involved with. It’s about liberation, freedom, maybe independence!!! It’s a song that speaks on so many different levels that I think that almost anyone can relate too! Plus it’s Janet Jackson….I mean HELLO!!!!

Nothing’s Promised but a Graveyard…

I often what my first impression to someone is. It doesn’t help me that I have a monotone voice, or that contrary to popular belief I’m very introverted. I live for being around people but I’m painfully shy, more than you’ll ever know. So it’s only naturally as I grow older and encounter more people I wonder what my first impression really is.

Over the years, I’ve received everything from intimidating, bitchy, mean and I’ve gotten nice. I have a very dry sense of humor and can be very sarcastic so I often wonder how people perceive this. I mean nobody really tries to be bitchy, yeah I joke around and act higher than thou with friends but has that really transcended into my personality as an extension of who I am? I hope not!

It’s funny, a friend of mine who has known me for years was saying how he could see that people perceive me as bitchy! I was shocked because up until recently we never talked much about where we were at career wise, so it did come as quite a shock that’s what he really thought.

I thank my grandmother for my attitude problem. I’m accountable for my decisions and what I do but she always instilled in me that I was entitled to things, I could do things my way because I was simply me. Great message to send kids! I think so much of her holier than thou attitude has come into my personality more so than I know how to deal with at times. So where do I to from there? How do I be the change? I try to be more subconscious about it but how do I really put the end to it?

One of the mysteries in life, I’ll have to take one step a time.