Nothing’s Promised but a Graveyard…

I often what my first impression to someone is. It doesn’t help me that I have a monotone voice, or that contrary to popular belief I’m very introverted. I live for being around people but I’m painfully shy, more than you’ll ever know. So it’s only naturally as I grow older and encounter more people I wonder what my first impression really is.

Over the years, I’ve received everything from intimidating, bitchy, mean and I’ve gotten nice. I have a very dry sense of humor and can be very sarcastic so I often wonder how people perceive this. I mean nobody really tries to be bitchy, yeah I joke around and act higher than thou with friends but has that really transcended into my personality as an extension of who I am? I hope not!

It’s funny, a friend of mine who has known me for years was saying how he could see that people perceive me as bitchy! I was shocked because up until recently we never talked much about where we were at career wise, so it did come as quite a shock that’s what he really thought.

I thank my grandmother for my attitude problem. I’m accountable for my decisions and what I do but she always instilled in me that I was entitled to things, I could do things my way because I was simply me. Great message to send kids! I think so much of her holier than thou attitude has come into my personality more so than I know how to deal with at times. So where do I to from there? How do I be the change? I try to be more subconscious about it but how do I really put the end to it?

One of the mysteries in life, I’ll have to take one step a time.