The last thing I need is another pair of shoes. I don’t. It’s absurd. However, this pair of shoes is going to symbolize something meaningful. These shoes are going will be the beginning of a new chapter. I’ll actually probably never wear them because of how much they will mean to me.
I’ve often avoided situations where I thought I would fail. An easy wait to protect yourself from the pain that comes with it. I never really felt mediocre until recently. Wondering where this was coming from, I took a hard look at certain things and realized.
You never know if you’re making the right decision. It could be a decision you regret. You never know if it’s the right time. Timing isn’t always key. We all have fears that we have to conquer and it just becomes harder as you get older.
Am I making the best decision? Am I going to be happy? Is it going to be hard? Is it the right time? Who the hell knows because I sure don’t. All I really know is that I’ll have regrets. Regrets eat you alive more than any other feeling.
As you may remember, there is this shoe called “The Rabbit” by CA by Cinzia Araia that I am beyond obsessed with. The sneaker has these long suede or leather bands that allow the individual wearing the shoe to create a variety of looks to really showcase their own style and not that of just the shoe. They retail anywhere from $300-$400, more or less depending on when and where you buy them. I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED FOR QUITE SOMETIME, since I first heard of the shoes last year!
So one day back in February or maybe it was early March, I decided that I NEEDED THESE SHOES! I was going through a depressive moment and shopping a lot and shoes were what I needed to make it through the day. I ended up with an impressive pair of Jeffrey Campbell‘s that I can hardly walk in but that’s ok….they were a steal at $50!!!!
Barney’s in Boston is the place to go to for hard to find desginers, emerging designers and just really interesting pieces that aren’t of the mainstream. Think outside the box a bit! I walked into the shoe department and knew exactly what it was I looking for. I was looking for shoe in either black or white. I didn’t see it right away, it’s tucked against the left wall towards the back and there it was CA by CINZIA ARAIA! STARING ME IN THE FACE IN ALL OF THE GLORY THAT I HAD DREAMED ABOUT for such a long time.
A sales associate came out, she had dreads and was really cool like in a Brooklyn sort of way. She wasn’t from Boston, either NYC or she was from the south but like Virginia south. She grabbed me the biggest size in the cranberry color, not the color I wanted but fine none the less. I proceeded to try the shoe on……”AAAAAAAAH” My heart sank………
The shoe was too tight!!!!! No i screamed in my head. This can’t be! Why me? The shoe that I was basing my life around at that very particular moment didn’t fit me. I was devastated.My life had lost all meaning. “Well the shoes run very narrow. The way that it’s constructed, it will give a bit but not a lot. It’s an expensive sneaker to just wear once or twice and not be the right fit for you” In my head I immediately thought, “SHUT UP! LET ME BUY THE SHOE! IT’S MY MONEY TO DO WHAT I WANT”
Not being able to justify the buy, I placed the shoes back in the box. Tears almost trickled down my face as I walked upstairs to maybe see if the men’s department had the full mens line. They didn’t. I walked out, probably the saddest I have ever been in my entire life. Life didn’t have any meaning at this point. Then I realized…..it’s just a fucking shoe. Get the fuck over it…….and then I remembered that I got the most amazing pair of Jeffrey Campbell’s for a steal!