And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you”
The debut song from Carl Thomas with Stacey Dash in the video. First off let me say what a gorgeous track. I didn’t really understand it then. All I really cared about was Stacey Dash in the video and it was a Bad Boy Ent. produced track. Diddy knows how to produce music. There’s a point to my story though. Sit back and hold tight……
Nobody really likes to talk about their emotions too much. It’s a lot for people to process and understand why they feel a certain way about things. Trust me I know. I’m a stuffer. I stuff all my emotions away and put them aside for a rainy day. When that rainy day happens what do I do? Girl, I put them away in a duffel bag, on top of the closet shelf and “FORGET” about them. Um…..OK….Not Healthy!!
I can’t promise you enough how much I’m going to make a point. It’s gonna take a minute to get there but I’m gonna make it. Ready?
Emotions can CONSUME you. In some way, shape or form. Don’t think it won’t happen?
So my emotions tried to consume me. Well, they were pretty close. Being forced to deal with everything that you put away for that rainy day and dealing with all at once. What did I realize? Why is this song lyric relevant?
Looking for self-validation in all the wrongs ways. Looking for self-validation in all the wrong people. There are some people who truly care about you. To them you are their ROAD DAWG. But not everybody has a Beyonce/Blue Ivy relationship. It’s more like Beyonce/LaTavia. That’s ok but you have to look at it and take it for what it’s worth. You can’t push for something that isn’t there or that the other people do not want.
I went for a run after work. All jokes aside I do know how to run. I did cross-country. I used to work out. Although, I should probably invest in a pair of running shoes that are cute. In all seriousness though, I’m trying to work out and bust a sweat. I don’t care if that really hot guy with the beautiful legs, nice chest, great lips, great haircut, nice smile and tattoo of a dream-catcher on his left shoulder is checking me out or not because I’m not checking him out. We’re sweaty and gross. HELLO! If anybody can recommend a good pair of cute running shoes that would be awesome. Oh and a pair of shorts that make the “Bounce To the Ounce” look good….*Wink Wink*
So back to the point. Went for this run and what I was going to do was write down the numbers of people who I used to validate myself through and throw them in the Charles River in a bottle. However, not a good idea because that’s condoning pollution and littering. I don’t do that! Deleting each number out of my phone was a relief. Relieving because I couldn’t remember half the people. I couldn’t remember the last time I talked to them. Anyways, it’s a long winding road to a new me. Self-validation through yourself is the only real validation and the only one that matters.
For many years I looked for validation from others and in the process forgot who I was. That’s a problem. You should never ever underestimate who you are as a person, your self-worth or just who YOU are in general. DO NOT LET OTHERS TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO! When you realize your potential and all that you have going for you, everything that anybody said you CAN’T do is going to seem so secondary.
Incase you wondering what I wore on this run. I had on a really cute white graphic tee. It had this intricate detailing. Grey sweatpant shorts and running shoes. However, exerting energy in a way other than TWERKING or strutting down the street, after 3.5 years is tough. However,we went from Arthur Fielding bridge all the way past Mass Ave to Kenmore. Did a little crossfit and ran back…..and walked and judged other runners…..
I told one of my good friends….well one of my best friends about all the “Growing Up Pains” and it was really nice hearing that while not feeling the same despair that I did, she knew automatically what it is what it was that I was going through. “Forget all the superficial because when your trying to date, make friends, nobody will want to be around you because they’ll see all the shallow things that you make to represent yourself. You’re a good person, you need to realize that and show people the real you.”
I actually appreciate that moment that I shared with her. I always looked up to her in a lot of ways because of her confidence. A true leader in every sense of the word. I admire that in her and all that she’s gone through to come out as a good upstanding friend. Thank you for your words. Thank you to everyone for their words.
Glad to know that I have people who truly care and know the real me……..