Ever meet someone who was just amazingly nice all around? Who could find a friend in everybody? It’s truly one of those beautiful rare phenomenons in the world.I wish I was like that sometimes. As we become ultra consumed in our own lives and become more and more superficialized(I know this isn’t a legitimate word but I make up words all the time) we forget to take in the people around us and appreciate them for who they are.
I truly never thought I’d find myself in a place like this. A feeling like this. A thought like this. Becoming lost in oneself is one of the scariest things that you can realize has happened to you. Some of us are able to find ourselves with no problems while some of encounter bumps along the way. Does it make you a bad person? Of course not!
Each and everyone is unique and a lot of time I think that we forget that. It’s easy too. You have to take the time to remember what makes you and how special you are.
We’re all a work in a progress. Our goals and dreams in life are different. What’s so bad about that? There’s always a rainbow…..
d(._.)b Hudson Mohawke-Tell Me What You Want From Me
Don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather
Another roadblock in our way
But if we go, we go together
Our hands are tied here if we stay
Oh, we said our dreams will carry us
And if they don’t fly we will run
Now we push right past to find out
Oh, how to win what they all lost
A few months ago, I was listening to Santigold‘s “Disparate Youth”, the song spoke to me then and it’s speaking me again. The impending May 6th, is closer than I think. 27 isn’t a big birthday by any means, yes it’s another year that has passed but it’s all a symbol of ways that I need to have experiences that will help in my quest of adulthood.
Lately, I’ve felt really stifled with my creative processes in almost every aspect. I feel that my growth hasn’t had the room for growth that is needed to go forth and that’s not a good feeling. A lot of the times I think and believe that its me just that needs validation so I find an excuse as to why I CAN’T do something. It sometimes it works and lately I’m finding there are many flaws in using that as a crutch.
I’ve found a creative group of people and that’s awesome. I truly love what each and everyone brings to the table and we are able to learn new things to help us in our future collaborations. Do you think it’s enough to satisfy me? No. I need more. I have supportive family & friends that like the ideas that I’m trying to put forth. Do you think that’s enough to satisfy me? No. What’s the next step? Where does one go from this feeling?
I realized that I no longer am I content with not pursuing my dreams. If I fail and fall, God has given me two hands and two feet to pick myself back up and carry myself back to the path. NO EXCUSE NOT TRY. The reason that this song spoke to me again is because I have so many wonderful people in my life that have just gone for the dream of whatever they were pursuing, yet I still haven’t. It’s scary to think that one day your on a swing set with friends and the next day in a brand new arena without those friends but that’s what life is about. You can’t stifle yourself, you’ll be miserable and make everyone miserable around you. Everybody thinks that I’m crazy and to give it some time, i understand where they are coming from. The more time I give things, the more I feel locked in and feel that I’ll miss my opportunity.
I keep waiting around for the that special person that I’ve been madly in love with for years to tell me that they feel the same, however truly I realize that if I keep waiting by the phone for that text, I’ll miss out on other great experiences or probably the person that is the truly the one that I love. The list on what is out there for me to experience is endless but I’ll never know unless I go out there and make a path for myself. Whether I come back or don’t…..well that’s for fate to decide…..but I know that I don’t start now, I’ve created a destiny for myself that I’m not truly going to find a happy in with and I think the latter is worse…….
I didn’t see the movie Garden State, primarily for the reason of my dislike for Zach Braff. However, I’ve heard this song “Let Go” by Frou Frou on many occasions. For some reason, on Tuesday night, I randomly heard it again. It caught my attention in a weird way, then last night when listening to the song, it just really took me by surprise in the most intense way. Have you ever had a song just do that to you? You don’t understand why but it just speaks to you on so many levels and you are ok with that?
That’s what this song did. I’m able to find emotion in music. I’m at that weird point in life at the moment where I’m going forward, yet I still feel far behind. I’m ready for that change but I’m scared to take it. I’m scared to just jump into it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it “I hate change” but watching those around me go forward it makes me realize that I’ll never know unless I do it. It’s ok to be scared, that is one of the things that makes it fun. If you aren’t scared, nervous, or excited there’s no point in it. You won’t learn a lesson from it, am I right? It seems like I’m really leaving this retrograde state and growing up. Back on track, which is good. Leaving the old behind and going forward with the new. I think that’s what this song is really all about.
Now I kind of want to see Garden State, just to see if I envisioned this song correctly.