The last thing I need is another pair of shoes. I don’t. It’s absurd. However, this pair of shoes is going to symbolize something meaningful. These shoes are going will be the beginning of a new chapter. I’ll actually probably never wear them because of how much they will mean to me.
I’ve often avoided situations where I thought I would fail. An easy wait to protect yourself from the pain that comes with it. I never really felt mediocre until recently. Wondering where this was coming from, I took a hard look at certain things and realized.
You never know if you’re making the right decision. It could be a decision you regret. You never know if it’s the right time. Timing isn’t always key. We all have fears that we have to conquer and it just becomes harder as you get older.
Am I making the best decision? Am I going to be happy? Is it going to be hard? Is it the right time? Who the hell knows because I sure don’t. All I really know is that I’ll have regrets. Regrets eat you alive more than any other feeling.
One of my really good friends told me that I should take the month of November and press pause on life. It sounded like such a great idea. I tried to press pause. However, my version of pause is probably not the pause that he was talking about. I think he meant to sit and reflect, turn off all electronics and focus on certain aspects of my life. What I did instead was create my version of pause and that was probably fast forward to the max!
I literally went from New York to Boston to Los Angeles to Boston and back to New York. I went on multiple interviews, met with multiple people in various industries to figure out what it is that I like. I thank the people who I met with so far and appreciate them helping me with this journey of self-discovery. Nothing short of epic. I am so thankful to have been able to catch up with old friends and this past weekend I was able to meet up with a friend of mine that I’ve literally known since we were 16 during the days of aim.
He remembers that we talked on dial-up, I don’t remember it being dial but you never know. It was awesome. It was great. I’ve found a new home and I want it to be Los Angeles. It’s a city that is so different from what I know on the East Coast. I think that it could be great and if not, I can always come home but I’m at an age where I need to take chances. Baby steps are great but sometimes taking a chance is what is going to propel you to the next level in life…….I hate taking pictures but I took some pictures…..
Just a little bit of what I’ve been up to since November. I can’t wait to actually take some time and press pause……
I’m a stage in life in which a moment of clarity is taking place and everything I’ve learned about myself is great. One of the greatest quotes that I’ve heard as of lately is this: “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” That quote is about as good as the organic popcorn that I am snacking on now. It’s amazing, right?
Lately, I’ve been on a path of discovering who I am. My entire life, while being able to do what I want, has always been based on doing what others feel is “best” for me. Going on those notions while at times were great, have also not been the best. Life is too short to not take chances, to feel unhappy and most importantly regret taking chances when chances could have resulted in a positive change.
I don’t expect people to understand what I am going through in life, nor do I actually want to tell them because people are judgmental. I understand that. I’ve been there at times, however, I would never tell someone who they are making a mistake. What works for you, may not be what works for me. Realizing that you aren’t utilizing yourself to your fullest potential is going to stunt your growth in so many ways.
Some people don’t think that I’m making the right decisions about my next moves in life. I respect that. Maybe some people don’t think I’m talented or smart enough to do other things. Your opinion and I’ll “respect” that. Whatever decisions I make on my life and future, well their decisions that I have to make without someone trying to hold influence in a life that doesn’t belong to them. Sometimes not being in a situation to really think about things is the best way to really understand a situation.
“As long as you keep your head to the sky, you can win. Be optimistic”—–Sounds of Blackness
The School of Life essentially is our life course. Adventures in Growing Up is the way we respond, our growth development in this school, our way to relate to others, etc., I could go on about it but I’m hoping you get the idea of it.
Despite being an extremely open person, I’m very closed as well. I share what I share and I share it in vague terms if I share something that is of importance. For some reason I was super emotional this weekend, I don’t know why. I do not even know where it came from but it just kept building up.
One of the things that I’m trying to learn to actually care about ME. Doing things for myself and not because I want to please others is a really hard thing to do. I’ve always wanted to make sure that those around me are happy, and if that meant not doing what I wanted or expressing how I felt, then that’s ok because they are happy. Well, that’s not healthy.
I noticed that I’m sleeping with the light on a lot lately. It’s weird. I view not turning the light off as being able to not have closure or the ability to let go. Weird, right? Think about it. Let it simmer. If the sun were to stay on 24 hours a day, you wouldn’t know when the next day began unless you were at a clock. Same concept, you don’t have to end things, just let it stay continuously going.
Speaking of letting go, I did just that. *sigh* I’ve known for quite some time, probably years that holding on to things is a way of comfort. Everybody does it. So i’m choosing to let go once and for all. I’m fine with it. I am moving on. Letting go…..it’s going to take some time but I’m going to let go.
Sorry, I’ve haven’t updated in a bit of a hot minute. So if you haven’t noticed, I typically do not talk about work on here, primarily because work and this are two separate in my life that I want to keep that way for the most part. However, I had an interesting experience at work and would like to share that because it just goes to show you how intuitive people truly are.
Last week at the salon was particularly busy. Some of the staff were getting ready for a fashion/hair show and I got to help them get set up with that.FUN! Thursday, I had a consultation with a new client who was referred to me by one of my first clients ever. She came in was kind of not sure of how to explain what it was she exactly wanted but she did a pretty good as I gave her a clear of understanding what it was that I thought she wanted. She was super nice and said she would see me in a few weeks. “You’re a Taurus.” said the client as she was leaving. The look of shock and awe must have been clear on my face as I said “Yes, I am. How could you tell?”, she smiled and said “It’s your eyes. Taurus’s have very placid eyes.”
Thursday night the show went well, despite a few minor things but whatever. Friday I had the day off and I went and got another Mystic Tan(I think I’m addicted to being bronzed but only in the summer). Then Saturday came and I forget what I did but I didn’t do anything. Oh that’s right, I went to Verizon to deal with my phone. I think I’m going to just deal without having it for the moment.(another story for another day) Did I mention that this show the hair was inspired by the Zodiac?!
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING:
“I’m sorry he can’t fit you in today” said the coordinator at work on Sunday to a client. She hung up the phone I immediately asked who was that and she told me, I thought about it and said “Of course I can fit her in.” So the client was called back. Client came in and with her she had a Georgetown Vanilla Happy Birthday cupcake(my favorite but she didn’t know this), and she said “This is for you because I forgot your birthday”, a smile quickly came over me. It was absolutely so nice but how in the world did she know my favorite flavor. It’s simple and easy but how weird…….
Before she even got into the changing room, we were engulfed in conversation. She explained to me how this was a bad year for the Taurus, between betrayals, situations involving friends, trying to find themselves, trying to keep their mouth shut, etc., I couldn’t even believe it. I was just shocked. Upstairs we went and started to work on her hair. We quickly find ourselves back into the conversations of the Zodiac. She explained how the Taurus is the person soaks up all the problems that people have and take them on as their own(something that I’ve always done), Taurus is never the one to say what is on their mind they kind of just bottle it up and push it down until it’s over(true). Since, I find myself dealing with a lot of Aquarius, Virgo and Scorpios, I asked about that as well. Everything that she was describing was perfect to a T.
I always find myself arguing with the Aquarius signs. We’re both very stubborn and it has to be our way. However the Aquarius are a bit flighty. Anyways, I’m sure we could have talked for hours about all of this but we didn’t. It’s probably not as weird as it was when it happened but it was strange, it felt as if she knew about situations that I had gone through the year and was able to recount or at least to me able to bring up the memory so it wasn’t something that I forgotten. Has anyone had an experience with a person like this? Am I over analyzing her intuition? Disclaimer: She is not a psychic
P.S. I promise to get back to read and commenting on your blogs as well.
Everyone has a goal. Everyone has a path to get to that goal. The people you find along the way either understand or they don’t. It’s nice when you meet people who share the same vision and have different ways of expressing that.
One of the many that I like about my life, I’m always the “Designated BoyToy!” Like when girls go out in groups and there’s the one boy, that’s me and it’s pretty fab!
Friday July 12th, 2013 at about 5:25, I met Georgina at the commuter rail station in Framingham. At about 5:36, we boarded the train, had I remembered that it was the Jason Aldean concert at Fenway Stadium, I probably would have suggested Uber(just kidding), while we sat on the train we each listened to our own music since the fans were too rowdy for us to enjoy the conversation we wanted to have.
As I learn more and more about blogging, I come across more and more networks, which is amazing. However, I will say that the girls that I met on Friday night at Shabu-Zen, are truly amazing individuals.
Hot Pot!!! One of my favorite meals ever!!! So delicious that literally whenever, I have it, I always have to go again a few days later(I went the next day to Hot Pot Buffet Chinatown) and this was a great option! Incase you aren’t familiar, Hot Pot is where you have the soup broth(Chinese Herbal , Tom Yum, Mala, Kim-chee, etc.) and you basically cook your own soup with meats, vegetables and whatever else.
Disclaimer: Since I’m without my phone at the moment, excuse lack of pictures showcasing. I snagged a few from the night.
I had to use my laptop to take the picture of the fabulous name cards that G had made
Elissa, Emily, Georgina, Amanda, Kaitlin and of course but most importantly Angela behind the lense!
Dre and Alana
I can speak for everyone when I say “Thank you for planning this!”, I had fun meeting new people and reconnecting with some I’ve met before. My favorite part of the evening was the different ideas that everyone had for future events. Genuine, unique, talented, stylish and gorgeous women who are very smart. I always have fun being the Designated BoyToy(copyright pending), oh and our waiter was so sweet. An absolute peach! Did I mention that the Strawberry Smoothies(fresh fruit and ice only, perplexed me too!) is FUMAZING!!!!! I can’t wait for the next one!!!……….
One of the great things about life is being able to create, share and celebrate the triumphs! My friend/co-worker Tyler invited me to come with the other day as he was on assignment styling Rebecca Donovan. She is the author of “The Breathing Series” trilogy that has taken the nation by storm.
Tyler was invited to the soiree at Blithewold Mansion in Bristol, Rhode Island. Naturally, I was first invite because I’m very awesome(just kidding) actually I’m not though. The day started out rather dreary and didn’t seem like it would let up but by the time we put our outfits on….the sun started to shine! By the time we crossed the bridge, the sun was in full effect but at 7pm!
Unfortunately the photographer caught me in the midst of a “Squint Eye” in my picture, however my outfit looks good!
One of the things that I really enjoyed about being able to go was the fact that this was such a big moment in her life and that everybody was there to celebrate that accomplishment. Supporting her dream, helping her dream become a reality or simply being a friend, it was a great reminder that it’s important to have people in your life that you truly care about and that care about you for those reasons. She’s very lucky to have a group of people that she truly can feel that way about.
Aside from having a really cool feminine but still punkish style and being a sweetheart, she has great taste in music. All of the music was slower tempo songs that went with the story but mixed to fast tempo house music. Wishing you nothing but continued success in your journey. Congratulations!
“I’m emotional And I can’t let go I am trying to hold on to you Though it hurts me so Gotta let you know That the love we once shared now is through Say goodbye to you”
The debut song from Carl Thomas with Stacey Dash in the video. First off let me say what a gorgeous track. I didn’t really understand it then. All I really cared about was Stacey Dash in the video and it was a Bad Boy Ent. produced track. Diddy knows how to produce music. There’s a point to my story though. Sit back and hold tight……
Nobody really likes to talk about their emotions too much. It’s a lot for people to process and understand why they feel a certain way about things. Trust me I know. I’m a stuffer. I stuff all my emotions away and put them aside for a rainy day. When that rainy day happens what do I do? Girl, I put them away in a duffel bag, on top of the closet shelf and “FORGET” about them. Um…..OK….Not Healthy!!
I can’t promise you enough how much I’m going to make a point. It’s gonna take a minute to get there but I’m gonna make it. Ready?
Emotions can CONSUME you. In some way, shape or form. Don’t think it won’t happen?
So my emotions tried to consume me. Well, they were pretty close. Being forced to deal with everything that you put away for that rainy day and dealing with all at once. What did I realize? Why is this song lyric relevant?
Looking for self-validation in all the wrongs ways. Looking for self-validation in all the wrong people. There are some people who truly care about you. To them you are their ROAD DAWG. But not everybody has a Beyonce/Blue Ivy relationship. It’s more like Beyonce/LaTavia. That’s ok but you have to look at it and take it for what it’s worth. You can’t push for something that isn’t there or that the other people do not want.
I went for a run after work. All jokes aside I do know how to run. I did cross-country. I used to work out. Although, I should probably invest in a pair of running shoes that are cute. In all seriousness though, I’m trying to work out and bust a sweat. I don’t care if that really hot guy with the beautiful legs, nice chest, great lips, great haircut, nice smile and tattoo of a dream-catcher on his left shoulder is checking me out or not because I’m not checking him out. We’re sweaty and gross. HELLO! If anybody can recommend a good pair of cute running shoes that would be awesome. Oh and a pair of shorts that make the “Bounce To the Ounce” look good….*Wink Wink*
So back to the point. Went for this run and what I was going to do was write down the numbers of people who I used to validate myself through and throw them in the Charles River in a bottle. However, not a good idea because that’s condoning pollution and littering. I don’t do that! Deleting each number out of my phone was a relief. Relieving because I couldn’t remember half the people. I couldn’t remember the last time I talked to them. Anyways, it’s a long winding road to a new me. Self-validation through yourself is the only real validation and the only one that matters.
For many years I looked for validation from others and in the process forgot who I was. That’s a problem. You should never ever underestimate who you are as a person, your self-worth or just who YOU are in general. DO NOT LET OTHERS TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO! When you realize your potential and all that you have going for you, everything that anybody said you CAN’T do is going to seem so secondary.
Incase you wondering what I wore on this run. I had on a really cute white graphic tee. It had this intricate detailing. Grey sweatpant shorts and running shoes. However, exerting energy in a way other than TWERKING or strutting down the street, after 3.5 years is tough. However,we went from Arthur Fielding bridge all the way past Mass Ave to Kenmore. Did a little crossfit and ran back…..and walked and judged other runners…..
I told one of my good friends….well one of my best friends about all the “Growing Up Pains” and it was really nice hearing that while not feeling the same despair that I did, she knew automatically what it is what it was that I was going through. “Forget all the superficial because when your trying to date, make friends, nobody will want to be around you because they’ll see all the shallow things that you make to represent yourself. You’re a good person, you need to realize that and show people the real you.”
I actually appreciate that moment that I shared with her. I always looked up to her in a lot of ways because of her confidence. A true leader in every sense of the word. I admire that in her and all that she’s gone through to come out as a good upstanding friend. Thank you for your words. Thank you to everyone for their words.
Glad to know that I have people who truly care and know the real me……..
It’s funny, of course when I started this blog I wanted to talk about street fashion and all fun things like that. Well, it’s really hard to have a street fashion blog when you work a bajillion hours a week.I decided that I would gear focus on just things that I truly know about and stay true to my personality. Fashion is one of them, music is another and life is another. There’s a point to this…..just trust me.
One of the hardest things that I think people in life go through is taking criticism. Whether it be from friends, family or a boss, it’s always hard to take what someone thinks about the best foot that we put out there and learn from that. I’m the first to admit, while I appreciate a bit of constructive criticism, depending on the delivery, I become a baby. I act like a 2-year-old child and IMPLODE! I always take it 10x worst then I should and assume that I’ve messed up in the worst way possible. “I can’t redeem myself!” “What have I done?!” “Did I make you mad?” “Do you hate me?!” It’s really only natural and everybody has dealt with this at some stage in their life. You can lie all you want and say it’s not true but trust me it is. I’m getting to the point…..just trust me.
I have a lot of growing up to do in certain aspects(Oh Em Gee, I may look like I’m totally together but I sneeze and burp too!)
Last week, I learned a lesson in humbling myself. Looking back at the experience, I feel good about it. I wish it had happened in other ways then this way but shit happens.
I am always willing to take on a task. A lot of the time, I succeed and do something good. I just go for it. I get gung-ho and just try my hardest. I try not to ask because even though it’s not a sign of weakness, I don’t want to be viewed as not knowing something when I should.
My thought process was in the right frame of mind. I was going about it the right way but I messed up. However I didn’t find this out til later which made the hurt sting 4x worse than it should have. I was given the situation in the opposite way which didn’t help
The situation was given to me as if I was the most untalented person on the face of the earth and should get banished to the barren desert of Australia to live with the dingoes and aborigines(I said I have a lot of growing up to do)however, I just sulked.
Going home, throwing myself on the bed and falling asleep in the most dramatic fashion cause that’s what I do. Woke up the next day and was still dramatic. Went and got myself a 5 scoop sundae with extra peanut butter and extra hot fudge. I asked for an extra peanut butter cup but clearly she didn’t hear me. I think I was dramatic some more and then the next day was out of my stupor of dramatics.
Somehow, I brought the subject up and got a conversation starting with my peers that were knowledgeable on the subject. It got a conversation started and I realized that it’s ok to ask sometimes. It’s ok to not know the answers. I’m in a stage in life where I’m not going to know the answers, I’ll never know the answers to everything. I learn and grow but I have to be receptive to that. When you are receptive to what those around you say, you put your best self out there.